One of our neighbors organized a street party for several of the nearby houses to participate. And it was a test of our return to social skills. We did participate at the fringes being the good neighbor that we are. But personally, for me, it tested the limits of who I am.

I was certainly not ready for the mask-free engagement in large groups yet. Having survived the pandemic so far for over 30 months, I want to see how far I can personally take it without contracting the virus. Or who knows? Perhaps I have got it before and I was asymptomatic.

But this party really tested me in other ways other than the pandemic:

• It showed me that I am not good at small talk.

• It showed me that I was culturally indifferent and that I am not interested in several of the generic topics that people care about - including food, drinks, politics, sports, movies, children, and vacations. I generally struggled with caring and relating to these topics

• It showed that my interests were extremely narrow - but I am not judging any of these as good or bad, but it did indicate that I did not fit several of the so-called norms.

• I felt like the grumpy old professor kind in the Enid-Blyton novels that I used to read fifty years ago - the kind that always sat in their own personal office filled with books and did not care much to engage with the children and their shenanigans.

• It also showed me what I long for - either to be in the groups and circles of people whom I can empathize and engage with - with whom I find comfort in being myself or in circles where I can teach and share my ideas and beliefs that help others in looking at themselves and their work from a multitude of perspectives that they have not considered. Anything other than these two seemed disinteresting to me, therefore I might be disinteresting to others when I do show up this way.

So in a way, the street party was good. It helped me look at mirrors that reflected who I am and in introspecting on whether I could show up in other ways at all. Yes, I realize that it is challenging to be me, but that is all I have, know and be. And potentially even be addicted to, in a way. And helps me to keep pondering about this, until the end of time.