The last couple of weeks, I want my life to return to some kind of normal. But, for some reason unbeknownst to me, I am unable to make that transition. There are a couple of Meetup groups that I would love to attend again and here I would be amongst friends. These are on Tuesdays and Thursday evenings, but I still put them off as I struggle to face humans again.
And one of the reasons and excuses that I give myself not to attend these, is that I have to write these posts in the evening. After attending these evening meetings, there is little energy to write, even though it takes hardly 20-30 minutes.
So, the first step to face humans again is the change that I have to make in writing these posts. I have to move them to write these sometime during the day - as I have all the time in the world to write them. Then, perhaps I might not use this as an excuse not to show up at the events that I actually used to enjoy and want to attend.
Funny thing this anxiety thing. On one side I have anxiety in facing humans in large groups. Anxiety in this case negative to me. On the other hand, I have the anxiety that I need to write these posts and not break the chain. Anxiety that forces me to keep these going. Anxiety vs Anxiety. Interestingly. And the anxiety that I need to do both these leading me to change the time of writing these posts or perhaps even prewrite several of these so that I would not have to use anxiety and pressure anymore to keep writing them each day.
Strange things we are… us humans. At least one human I seem to know a little bit more. Strangely Me.