In hiding
The last few weeks have been a real decline in social activity. I have not been very interested in facing the world. At least the variety of work forums that I was exposed to.
It started with the stoppage in the last three weeks of attending the various Meetups I used to attend each week. Over the last year, I had stopped running the various meetup groups that I used to actively run. This lack of interest extended to not being on social media like LinkedIn and even to not responding to emails. A social outcast of sorts.
It is like that I don’t want to face humans at all. But, yet, I have been constantly retrospecting and inspecting deeply on why this could be. And I have some plausible answers.
I am guessing that it goes down to how I show up in these forums. I am forced to be a participant on the sidelines and I am unable to do that. I would like to show up with some original work that drives these conversations rather than nibbling from the periphery. And that requires creative work to create content, pictures, videos, and other material with original modeling and frameworks that I could use to drive such conversations. I am averse to other people’s methods and models (that I call OPM). And my limitations or blockages in my artistic and content creation skills are leading to such an impasse. A cyclical never-ending spiral that has put me to the low of where I am today.
But, I cannot and will not run away from myself. At least that is one good embedded trait in me. A blessing of sorts. Here is an opportunity to use my applied intelligence to face my world on my own terms. Find ways to break free with the creative streak that is required to reverse this negative spiral into something is that is positive and useful to me and enables me in some way to wherever it takes me.
So, I guess this week is “unhiding” week for a start coupled with putting my head down to “creating” something, even some unvalidatable nonsense would do. And, that would be a lovely start.