Turning on my crazies
Muse #537 - for some external motivation
I have been thinking about how to stay motivated in life. In my case, I need external motivations rather than internal motivations. Also, I am looking to develop pathways to making meaning for things that I value in life. So a month ago I planned to apply for a Ph.D. program for a Doctorate in Business Administration next year. And if I am lucky to get in and take my own time to do I might be 65 years old by the time I get somewhere with it.
So, why put me through this pain? And to what end? The second one is easier to explain. Whatever meaning one wants to make is what one should do. This I believe will be able to help me make the meaning in life I’m looking for. And provide me a purpose to get up and do something each day on top of the work and family life that I am surrounded with.
The first one is to force me to do several things. I have been acquiring knowledge on a variety of subjects for the last ten years. At a rapid pace. As I acquire more and more knowledge and start connecting the dots, I am left with the often fragile question of what I can do with it. I got to do something with it. Collect my thoughts and create something of value for me or someone else. In some way. That is what my research could do for me if I find a hypothesis to work on. It will tie my knowledge together to apply it to and end. For something concrete. Even if it is a failure and nothing comes out of it.
There are some other associated motivations. I plan to teach to create some additional revenues to pay for my research work. That is going to force me to do new things that will bring additional revenue streams. And that should be another plus as an additional external motivation. Not that I can’t afford it, but I have set up the extra goal to push myself forward to do more.
With my challenges of learning deficits and reading challenges doing the required class work and research is going to be extremely tough. My early schooling was fraught with learning and focus challenges that I got through by compensating with the use of my intelligence. That did not go well at the university where I was a dropout and eventually helped me survive the world with my software development skills acquired independent of the school. It took a push more than a decade later to complete my undergraduation. And later on, it was followed by an MBA program that had similar challenges to complete.
But now there is a big difference from before. Finally, after five decades, I am aware of my challenges. I still know that I cant do this thing. But I also know that I am capable of building careful systems to work through these challenges and address balancing my work, my home along with the extra teaching career as well as the research that I have to do. Or I might still fail badly trying. And now have the maturity to handle it well.
I start with a test. I signed up for a Statistics unit yesterday to see whether I can do one university course well along with other things. This is to brush on my statistics skills that I first studied at University more than 35 years ago and then in my MBA program as part of the Finance course and even that was 20 years ago. So, that is a test known as MVP in product parlance. A minimum viable product to test whether I can do a little studying as a step towards the next set of ongoing tests. Validate to me that I am indeed capable to do some work before I take the bigger leap.
So I guess I am turning on my crazies. So hopefully these will serve me and perhaps will take me somewhere to give me external motivation and to make my own personal meaning.